we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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