There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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