There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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