WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
