HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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