Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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