worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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