I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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