i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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