you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
