i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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