I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
