Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
