He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
