Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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