I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
