Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
