i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
