just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
