I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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