you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
