I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think i have two assholes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
