There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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