That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
