Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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