i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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