aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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