They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
