It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
