The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
