I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
