she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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