This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can I color on your dick again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
