why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
