If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
