You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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