I'm going to jail i love you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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