this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
