Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
