he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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