....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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