mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
