So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
