Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
