I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
