Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
