I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
