You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
