Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
