I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fill condoms, not promises.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
