I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
