Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
