i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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