I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I love you.
Bad choice
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
