found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
