Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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