Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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