On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
