he puts the penis in happiness.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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