Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
